The Summer Program Boy
Or how I learned to have guy friends
GHP (Not to be confused with GPS)
Georgia has this program called the Governor’s Honors Program (GHP) for students considered exceptional in their chosen “major” area. Students are nominated by teachers in their high school and then go through an audition process for selection out of all the nominated students around the state. Students who are selected attend a 6-week session over the summer either between 10th and 11th grade or 11th and 12th grade. In 11th grade, I was nominated for 3 different subject areas (though you can only choose one to try for), including English (literature), Social Studies, and Music. At least, I think it was those three. For some reason, I did exceptionally well in all my classes in 11th grade, so it may have been Math instead of Social Studies. At any rate, I felt that I had the best chance in music. That interested me the most anyway, so I chose to audition in that subject area.
The audition process was similar to the one for All-State band, for which I had auditioned, hoping for a spot, since 8th grade but never actually gotten in. Honestly, I was much more focused and driven toward All-State, and only really worked on the GHP audition because it didn’t make sense to just waste the opportunity. I worked on the audition material and tried my best in the audition, but I didn’t feel the same kind of nerves that I felt at every All-State audition, which usually made it harder for me to perform well. I was also lucky because my oboe professor was actually one of the judges for the audition. I trust that she wasn’t partial to me in judging, but it probably gave me a slight advantage in that I was already comfortable with her. I completed the whole audition process and went home feeling pretty good about it but feeling rather unconcerned about whether or not I would get into the program.
I once again did not make All-State that year; I missed it by one or two spots. I think I either made second alternate or was just behind the second alternate. Either way, my score was just not quite high enough compared to the others who tried out that year. Though I was bitterly disappointed about missing out on All-State band again, I found out that I *did* make it into the Governor’s Honors Program! That meant that I would have something new and interesting to do that summer.
Lemme ‘splain the basics about actually attending GHP. Rising 11th and 12th graders from all over the state come to a state university (it happened to be the university in my town!) for 6 weeks and experience a summer program that’s basically a lot like college. We had majors, in which we would spend several hours each morning, and once we got there, we could choose minors, in which we would spend a couple of hours each afternoon. Other than that, we lived in the dorms and basically had free time on campus, along with tons of activities planned by the coordinators of the program.
GHP was the first place where I found a whole group of people who got me, and I loved it. I came out of GHP with more confidence and looking forward to what college would be like. (Tangentially related - I also cleaned my room after GHP because I realized that I would have to be much tidier if I was going to have college roommates in the relatively near future.) A note to young people here - if you’re having a hard time finding your people in high school, hang in there! High school is really such a bubble and so insulated. Once you get out, either into college or the real world, you will be exposed to so many more people and have a much greater chance of finding people who get you. <3
Chance Meeting
The first day at GHP, we had to get our IDs, which we wore around campus to help identify us, as there were also regular (i.e. legally adult) summer university students still on campus. The ID cards also let us eat in the dining hall (which had a frozen yogurt machine with different flavors every day - I loved that!). While I was standing in line for my ID, I met a guy who was attending that year as well. I can’t remember his major now - maybe math? Anyway, we got to chatting, and it was amazing. I don’t think I’d ever really felt as comfortable and understood by a guy before. I can’t remember how we decided we’d meet up again, but we did. He became one of my best friends that summer.
Philosophies on Life
We had plenty of great conversations, as you do in that late teen/young adult phase, as you’re figuring out your thoughts on the world and philosophy on life. There was one in particular in which we were talking about the similarities and differences between boys and girls. I didn’t truly understand the effects of patriarchy, misogyny, and sexism until I was actually in college, but I knew things weren’t quite right in my world. Anyway, I don’t remember exactly what led to it, but he insisted that, “Men and women are different! I can whip it out and show you right now if you want!” Of course, he didn’t do that, but it was a significant moment for me to be able to have those kinds of conversations with someone.
To be fair, I had those kinds of conversations all over campus with the amazing people I met there, but this guy was the one that I actually had a crush on. He validated me in a lot of ways and encouraged me to believe in myself more. We had real, deep conversations, but we also had a lot of fun with our mutual friends group. We talked about faith and life and pretty much everything. Looking for photos to put in this post, I found that I had written about him in my senior memory book. One reason that my friendship with him, and many at GHP, transformed me was because they had more belief in me and who I was than I had in myself. I don’t think I realized how significant that was for me until writing this post. That 6-week summer program gave me more confidence in myself than possibly anything else I had done to that point in my life. I will be forever grateful to him (and my other GHP friends) for believing that I had something worthwhile to offer.
Summer program guy had a girlfriend back home in the Atlanta area, so I knew he wasn’t ever going to go out with me. I did really enjoy being around him and nursed a secret hope that maybe he would break up with her and think of me whenever that happened. (It didn’t.) Also, in the ex-vangelical vein of this writing space, his girlfriend was Jewish, and he was a Christian, which sort of blew me away. The type of Christians (and the purity culture) I grew up around talked incessantly about not being “unequally yoked” with “nonbelievers” (AKA non-Christians). I couldn’t understand how he could be with someone of a different faith if his faith was important to his life. I have since grown out of that mindset, but at 17, I was flummoxed.
We wrote to each other some during our next year of 12th grade (actual letters!). Someone had also introduced me to this new concept called email during GHP, so I actually had a Hotmail address and would go over to the university library a few times a week to check it. We did not have internet access at home and wouldn’t for years. Honestly, I didn’t know all that many people who did have internet access at home at that point, though it was on the rise. Computer and internet use were still sort of reserved for the wealthier families in those days. They had not yet become less expensive and essential for daily tasks. We didn’t even have to type our English papers until 12th grade when we started using the department computer lab. Before that, they were written in our “best handwriting” or typed if you had a computer or typewriter at home. At that time, I had an old IBM handed down from my best friend’s mom, who was a college professor. It had DOS 4.0 and Word Perfect on it. I think we upgraded it to Windows 3.0, or Windows 3.1, after we got it, if that tells you its age!
Anyway, I will be forever grateful both for my GHP experience, in which I met a lot of amazing humans, and for summer program guy, who helped me learn to express parts of me that I had hidden for much of life at that point. That experience launched me into a new friend group at school the next year, including some awesome guy friends, and prepared me for the excitement of college. I recently looked up summer program guy online, and it seems that he has a good career and looks pretty happy. Seeing a photo of him again made me smile, and I’m so glad to have that reaction.
So - to the summer program guy, thank you for helping me see myself and the world differently and for being my first true male friend.
What was your first experience making a true friend of the opposite sex? What kinds of experiences and/or people in your life have helped you to become more of who you are now? I’d love to hear from you!
Love this! Finding people you click with is the best. 🫶🏻 I’m glad those people saw your value. 🥰🤩